Wanna be my friend?

It's hard to make friends as an adult.

My two best friends live in different states. I met N when we were babies and then later we lived on the same street from elementary school until high school and have remained great friends since. I met C when we were 18. She is also from the Pacific Northwest and we both were delayed by a snow storm and were late a few days late to report to our first duty station after basic training. We got bundled together for processing and have been friends for 15 years now. But N lives in Texas and C lives in Washington state.

I moved to Portland 9 years ago. When I first moved here I lived with my brother, his girlfriend and their daughter (my niece). Things, life really, happened and they ended up moving away. I then moved in with a cousin of mine for a bit until a few years later when I friend of mine moved to the area. I ended up living with her for a couple of years. More life happened and suffice it to say we are no longer friends, and she moved away.

I'm so glad that I met hubs along the way though. He is a great match for me, we get along so well and really enjoy each others company. But he isn't a best friend. I can't have 'girl talk' with him. And that is what I would really like.

N & C are great, but it's not the same when you can't just meet up at the last minute and hash things out ya know?

Anyways, I've been thinking lately about how I would like more friends, good friends in my life. Without even realizing it at first (maybe my subconscious is working to help me!)I noticed that I've been more social and friendly with people.

When shopping instead of saying I'm fine or just browsing when someone comes up to help me, I've been actually answering them and asking for help or for what's new and talking for a few minutes. Really, this is a big step for me. I usually don't like to talk to people at stores. I'm shy and don't want to feel stupid or anything so I don't even try.

A few weeks ago I came across a book MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend by Rachel Bertsche. I found it intriguing. Basically, it's about a 27 yr old married woman living in Chicago. She'd been living there for 2 years and had made friends, but not a best friend. No one to call up for last minute brunch or to vent with or to go over all the emotional details with. So, she starts researching and learning about why friends are important and how to find some. She decided to go on a friend-date every week for a year - hoping to make some new good friends, and maybe even a best friend along the way.

So far it's a great read. My Kindle says I'm 24% through the book :)

There's a lot of research that she's put into it referencing articles and studies that show that have really good, close friends (more than just your spouse or family) contribute to better your health & well-being. You are more likely to live a longer, healthier life when you have close girlfriends.

That sounds important. Much more important than just someone to go shoe shopping with.

So, I'm working on reading this book and seeing what kind of tips and ideas I can come up with. I'm not going to go on a yearlong search or anything, but I do want to be more conscious and put myself out there more. Reach out a bit to old friends and to new people I meet so that I can eventually have some really close friends in my life. I need people like this so I can bitch & vent, go shopping with, watch girly movies with and just to be girlfriends with.

Don't get me wrong, hubs is great (really, really great!) but men just aren't wired the same as women and I need some girlfriends around.

Hubs and I have several friends, but really they are more his friends. See, he is really into soccer - especially the Portland Timbers - and most of his friends (our friends) that we hang out with and interact with on social media have this in common. While I think that soccer is a great sport and am glad that it is growing in the US, and I fully support the Portland Timbers (and their awesome supporters group!) I just don't really care that much about sports. I just can't get into it. And therefore, really what holds this group of friends together is the sport.

There are several women in our group of friends, but they are all big soccer supporters. Also, they are all friends, have been for a long time, with this commonality between them and I don't think there is a place for me to get closer.

I also work with a great group of people. I've hung out with a few socially, as a group, but I really prefer to keep work and social separate. It makes things easier at work. My closest person at work, J is great and I would love to be closer friends with her, especially since our husbands are great friends and spend a lot of time together. But she also feels that work and social should be separate, plus she's my supervisor and there are just some things that you don't want to share with your supervisor and I don't want to have to censor myself like that with a potential bestie.

So, I'm on the lookout for new friends - hopefully a few that I can really grow close with. I'm going to do my best to start up some conversations with new people I meet, and maybe a few I've lost touch with too, and see what happens.

Do you have trouble making friends as an adult? Any tips for me to try?